Dear World, you have depression.

As winter makes its move here in Rexburg I feel the general energy level of the public going down. Or maybe they're just finally reaching that constant "no-energy" level that I employ year round, because really when am I ever doing anything but sitting on my butt, wrapped up in a warm blanket, ignoring the outside world with a hot cup of coco...it's always winter for me.

And no complaints! Because winter's easily my favorite time of year. Or maybe the fall/winter hybrid - starting at the end of September and heading through the middle of January (just past my birthday). I mean, who doesn't love the holiday season?

 (Well...maybe this kid)

But as we enter the cold and begin ending our year, we really do start to see energies wane (as people get colds, or their bodies just quit) and we all begin to feel a bit run down. It's just something that comes from the season (or maybe it's from eating tons of fattening foods, or spending all our money, or being trapped indoors due to extreme weather...or all of the above...you never know...)

Well recently, I started to notice that I was having even less energy than usual for the everyday things - like waking up, or ...waking up (I never really get past that part of the day). I decided I wanted to see what was up, so like any self-respecting homo sapien (with a decent wi-fi connection), I decided to google it.

Now I know we're all guilty of the quick WebMD search of our symptoms (you've diagnosed yourself with every version of cancer at least three times...don't deny); well, I looked up "why I'm such a lazy bum" (more or less), and the answer was clearly "depression."

Yup. 

Depression.

As in, that illness every girl thinks she has at least once a month, (or twice if she runs out of ice cream). As in that illness that probably most of us do not clinically have, but we can't talk ourselves out of it, no matter how hard we try. As in this...

I mean, I hit every single one of the symptoms spot on.
It was like the internet was sending me a letter -

Dear Maddy,

 You have depression.

I do not mean to demean those who have actually been diagnosed with depression - at all. I know it's serious stuff, and much more than just feeling a little sad sometimes. I know it's not something you can just "snap out of", nor is it something you can simply cure with a few pills.

And after reading article after article I came across this little beauty, on the always wonderful and ever reliable BuzzFeed (I apologize in advance for some of the language, but it's worth the read). Now I don't often share articles or posts on facebook about things like this (especially because any comment on depression is usually followed by annoying remarks like "oh are you feeling alright?" or "why are you sad?"), but I felt like this article was worth the risk.

In less than an hour, multiple friends had not only read the article and "liked" it, but they were all reposting it and sharing it on their walls. Then their friends were doing the same, and within the short span of a day there was a small community of Facebookers realizing they were not alone.

So after reading the internet's letter to me -

Dear Maddy,

You have Depression.

I decided to write one back -

Dear World,

We all do.

We all struggle. We all get sad. We all have those moments that scream "just leave me here alone with my cookie dough and my sweats and this movie about a little talking mouse who sings to the moon"...that's just life. And maybe it is because we're poor eaters, or because we spend money on things that don't matter; and maybe it is because we watch too much TV, and then expect life to be that way. Maybe it's because there's something in the cold air that affects our brains - or maybe that's just the way life was meant to be.

But you know what world? I don't care. I don't care if we're all sad - because we're all sad together; and I don't care if my life is imperfect - because we're all imperfect together.

I am as messed up as they come. 

So are you.

So is he.

So keep that in mind next time you struggle to get out of bed. Look around your apartment, your room, your building, your home - and remember that it's everyone's first time living - just like you.

And when you feel like giving up the fight, just remember there are literally thousands of Eeyore's who have lost their tails right there along side you.

So don't let the Muggles get ya down.

I'll end with this wonderful poem (it's been in my head all week):

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Dylan Thomas

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...ONLINE!

So I’ve got a few online courses this semester, right? Well, sometimes reading class Syllabi during the first week of school can be dreadfully dull…so I’ve invented this new game where I pretend I’m attending Hogwarts school online:

To make things even more interesting, I've started to replace all the boring words in the Syllabus with “wizardy” words, so the reading will go by much faster.

(the following text has been altered from my American Government Syllabus):

“Welcome to WIZISCI 101! If you have never taken a wizarding class before, you are in for a new and magical experience. This course uses some of the most advanced educational spells ever created. These spells will help you learn in an effective and efficient way, often allowing you to learn more than you would in a face-to-face muggle class...and in less time!”

“Although some of the learning activities will require you to work on your own, you will also be engaged in discussions with other wizarding students, as well as your selected Hogwarts professor. Through your group interactions, you will have many opportunities to teach one another, share spells, and solve magical problems together.”

“This course has been designed to help you slowly build up a knowledge base of jinxes and counter-curses. Not all of these counter-curses will come easily. It takes a lot of work and practice before some things will even start to work, so you should not be surprised to find that it may take you a little time to cast your first spell. Just be patient, and as you approach the end of the course, the spells will start to come together, and you will see how much progress you have really made! You will understand what wizardry is all about, and you will be glad you persisted in your efforts to learn!"

...but seriously I should probably get on this homework.

"There, they're, their..."

You know what I just love? Like really, really love? *insert sarcastic face here* 

I love when people choose to go all grammar nazi on me. 

Does living in Germany for over a year make it okay for me to use that word? Nah, let’s look at some alternatives here: grammar police, prescriptivist, language enthusiasts? Take your pick.

Well once whoever it is has called me out on my murder of the English language, they usually follow their helpful "edification" with that look of complete smug superiority that says "I just corrected you, English Major"; usually followed by some variation on: “This is going to be your career, right? Shouldn’t you know these things?”

Thanks Sherlock. I forgot about my degree there for a minute – it’s not like I have nightmares about my non-existent future career, or anything.

There are many things that I excel at…talking, card making, scarf knitting, and I make a mean avocado quesadilla.

 I’m also really good at being obnoxious, stalkerish and obsessive – three wonderful qualities I’m sure you all wish you had. Really, I’m like Colin Creevey: with the camera.(Sometimes I think I would have made a great serial killer, sans the killing part. I get squeamish around blood).

But of all my wonderful talents and traits – a complete and perfect understanding of the English language is not one of them. 

Yes, I’m an English Major; yes, I love grammar; yes I am currently an employed editor; and yes I read the dictionary for fun. Does that make me an expert? Man, I wish.

I’m terrible at sentence diagramming, I make words up on the spot all the time, and I have no idea why lasagna and bologna don’t rhyme. Stick me in a spelling bee and I will spell “definitely” wrong every single time, without fail. 

What do you think I’m going to school for? 

I also feel like there’s this universal, unwritten law that says, “If you study grammar, you don’t need to use it”. Well...maybe I should modify that statement to say, “If you study grammar, you don’t need to use it correctly." Honestly, my human ineptitude at speaking my own language shows faster than you can say "FIX IT!"

Aw well...I suppose this tangent is long enough to be a blog post now. Better just be done with it.

Has blogging died?

Let’s think about this for a minute: blogging used to be the social media highlight of life. It seemed like everyone and their dog (but really…their dog) had a site dedicated to the world wide dispersal of all warranted (or mostly unwarranted) rants about life. Once their site was up they’d e-mail us the links, we would read it and share it with others, and then sometimes respond with our own posts…It was like group therapy on internet steroids.

Once upon a time I was a blogger too; a life writer; a link sharer; an emotionally avid journal…er (who sometimes liked to make up words). I had my own dedicated hours of rant time, in which I would join the ranks of self-obsessed emotional teenagers – spilling my guts on the web with the best of them (a mistake most of your teenagers will make at least every single day).

I don’t know what happened really. One day I was writing down everything, every day, on every surface I could find (blog site, notebook, journal, the napkin I found crumpled up forgotten in my bag, etc.) – the next I was noticing my forgotten journal atop my equally forgotten bookshelf – picking it up on a whim and reading the last entry (written at least two months prior): “Today I did stuff. The end.” 

Maybe it was the fact that I no longer cared about that girl who make fun of me in 4^th period English, or the boy who forgot to wave at me this morning (which meant he obviously had feelings for her, not me)…*insert insecure feelings here*. 

[Seriously though…middle school – are those years kind to anyone?]

That being said – have I really grown up at all? In the grand scheme of things I can still count my “maturity” on one hand (I’m only 5 years fresh from my own High School years).

I think the reality of the matter is we, as human beings, have become increasingly impatient with the world of information.

We want our updates, and we want them now.

It’s all about short, quick and instant gratification these days.

In our ever advancing social media-tic world, if we can’t figure you out within the realms of a fast tweet, quick status update, or Instagram – then we move on to another post. It's as if we find your doings not worth knowing at all.

[Side note: Mediatic…I know that’s not a word, but it’s fun to say, so I’m keeping it].

In today’s electronic society, brevity is the new black.

Brevity is the new everything.

I'll be the first to confess that I never read full articles anymore. I’ll open up a post with an intriguing title, find that I somewhat like the photo and ten word summary provided at the top of the page, and then next thing I know I’m sharing this "OMGOSH this really touched me!" post on my wall – regardless of what the remaining 360 + unread words might have said.

And since this post is all about brevity - here's a long story about that:

Once upon a month or so ago, two of my totally awesome and now completely broke brothers took a cross country trip – driving from AZ to NYC: stopping to “site-see” in multiple states along the way. They documented their journey online, with constant (and I mean constant) photo updates at each of their various stops. 

Like the rest of the ‘stuck-at-home’ jealous Facebookers online, I found myself being equally constant in my "liking" of all their posts. I commented on their albums: “Give me more!”, when in reality I barely even looked at half of the photos they did post, and read only the first few lines of any "wordy" update they gave.

If I had already liked the album, I never opened it up again to see the new posts.

I pretended to be super interested in their journey, when in reality, I was as guilty as the rest of them – even when it came to my own family – in ignoring the real connection that can come from a conversation of events.

I made up for this (in part) by later receiving phone calls and chatting at length with my brothers about their trip and the adventures they had - even managing to keep my own personal experiences in some of those places to a minimum (though - let it be noted that my definition of "to a minimum" might be different than Paul's or Joe's. I'm not known for keeping things 'short' when it comes to story telling).

So, now that I've sufficiently written enough to make this post 'blog' length acceptable, I'll just end with a quick haiku:

We value our words 

In our "media-tric" world,

Choosing each with care.

And yet we say not

All the real things we have thought,

And brevity wins.

Until next time...