"There, they're, their..."

You know what I just love? Like really, really love? *insert sarcastic face here* 

I love when people choose to go all grammar nazi on me. 

Does living in Germany for over a year make it okay for me to use that word? Nah, let’s look at some alternatives here: grammar police, prescriptivist, language enthusiasts? Take your pick.

Well once whoever it is has called me out on my murder of the English language, they usually follow their helpful "edification" with that look of complete smug superiority that says "I just corrected you, English Major"; usually followed by some variation on: “This is going to be your career, right? Shouldn’t you know these things?”

Thanks Sherlock. I forgot about my degree there for a minute – it’s not like I have nightmares about my non-existent future career, or anything.

There are many things that I excel at…talking, card making, scarf knitting, and I make a mean avocado quesadilla.

 I’m also really good at being obnoxious, stalkerish and obsessive – three wonderful qualities I’m sure you all wish you had. Really, I’m like Colin Creevey: with the camera.(Sometimes I think I would have made a great serial killer, sans the killing part. I get squeamish around blood).

But of all my wonderful talents and traits – a complete and perfect understanding of the English language is not one of them. 

Yes, I’m an English Major; yes, I love grammar; yes I am currently an employed editor; and yes I read the dictionary for fun. Does that make me an expert? Man, I wish.

I’m terrible at sentence diagramming, I make words up on the spot all the time, and I have no idea why lasagna and bologna don’t rhyme. Stick me in a spelling bee and I will spell “definitely” wrong every single time, without fail. 

What do you think I’m going to school for? 

I also feel like there’s this universal, unwritten law that says, “If you study grammar, you don’t need to use it”. Well...maybe I should modify that statement to say, “If you study grammar, you don’t need to use it correctly." Honestly, my human ineptitude at speaking my own language shows faster than you can say "FIX IT!"

Aw well...I suppose this tangent is long enough to be a blog post now. Better just be done with it.