Dear World, you have depression.

As winter makes its move here in Rexburg I feel the general energy level of the public going down. Or maybe they're just finally reaching that constant "no-energy" level that I employ year round, because really when am I ever doing anything but sitting on my butt, wrapped up in a warm blanket, ignoring the outside world with a hot cup of coco...it's always winter for me.

And no complaints! Because winter's easily my favorite time of year. Or maybe the fall/winter hybrid - starting at the end of September and heading through the middle of January (just past my birthday). I mean, who doesn't love the holiday season?

 (Well...maybe this kid)

But as we enter the cold and begin ending our year, we really do start to see energies wane (as people get colds, or their bodies just quit) and we all begin to feel a bit run down. It's just something that comes from the season (or maybe it's from eating tons of fattening foods, or spending all our money, or being trapped indoors due to extreme weather...or all of the above...you never know...)

Well recently, I started to notice that I was having even less energy than usual for the everyday things - like waking up, or ...waking up (I never really get past that part of the day). I decided I wanted to see what was up, so like any self-respecting homo sapien (with a decent wi-fi connection), I decided to google it.

Now I know we're all guilty of the quick WebMD search of our symptoms (you've diagnosed yourself with every version of cancer at least three times...don't deny); well, I looked up "why I'm such a lazy bum" (more or less), and the answer was clearly "depression."

Yup. 

Depression.

As in, that illness every girl thinks she has at least once a month, (or twice if she runs out of ice cream). As in that illness that probably most of us do not clinically have, but we can't talk ourselves out of it, no matter how hard we try. As in this...

I mean, I hit every single one of the symptoms spot on.
It was like the internet was sending me a letter -

Dear Maddy,

 You have depression.

I do not mean to demean those who have actually been diagnosed with depression - at all. I know it's serious stuff, and much more than just feeling a little sad sometimes. I know it's not something you can just "snap out of", nor is it something you can simply cure with a few pills.

And after reading article after article I came across this little beauty, on the always wonderful and ever reliable BuzzFeed (I apologize in advance for some of the language, but it's worth the read). Now I don't often share articles or posts on facebook about things like this (especially because any comment on depression is usually followed by annoying remarks like "oh are you feeling alright?" or "why are you sad?"), but I felt like this article was worth the risk.

In less than an hour, multiple friends had not only read the article and "liked" it, but they were all reposting it and sharing it on their walls. Then their friends were doing the same, and within the short span of a day there was a small community of Facebookers realizing they were not alone.

So after reading the internet's letter to me -

Dear Maddy,

You have Depression.

I decided to write one back -

Dear World,

We all do.

We all struggle. We all get sad. We all have those moments that scream "just leave me here alone with my cookie dough and my sweats and this movie about a little talking mouse who sings to the moon"...that's just life. And maybe it is because we're poor eaters, or because we spend money on things that don't matter; and maybe it is because we watch too much TV, and then expect life to be that way. Maybe it's because there's something in the cold air that affects our brains - or maybe that's just the way life was meant to be.

But you know what world? I don't care. I don't care if we're all sad - because we're all sad together; and I don't care if my life is imperfect - because we're all imperfect together.

I am as messed up as they come. 

So are you.

So is he.

So keep that in mind next time you struggle to get out of bed. Look around your apartment, your room, your building, your home - and remember that it's everyone's first time living - just like you.

And when you feel like giving up the fight, just remember there are literally thousands of Eeyore's who have lost their tails right there along side you.

So don't let the Muggles get ya down.

I'll end with this wonderful poem (it's been in my head all week):

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Dylan Thomas