[Disclaimer: the following post reflects my views and my views alone. I do not pretend to hold any authority to speak for God, the LDS church, or anyone else’s personal views on the matter in question here. I can only speak, and will only speak for myself, as I attempt to share with you what I believe in, and why it is important to me.]
What I Believe
May I begin by misquoting a philosophical individual? As I was reading John Calvin the other day, I mistakenly read his words as follows: “Every one of us, even from his mother’s womb, is a master craftsman of idiots.” I like this rephrasing of the quote - and find it to be much more philosophically true than the original.
We, as human beings, are fallible idiots, who are in the practice of producing more fallible idiots every day. It’s just what we do.
As one of these idiots, I do not even begin to pretend to possess absolute knowledge on anything, at all, in the universe…and I’m not just talking this issue here (the one on church policy – which I will discuss later). In fact, when it comes to most issues in the world, I remain painfully and woefully ignorant (no matter how hard I try for the contrapositive).
I don’t know how to end world hunger; I have no idea what Putin is really doing in Russia; I’m horrible in many academic subjects [I’ve never been successful in Chemistry, and the last time I solved a real math equation I was 16]; I will probably never be able to do a cartwheel (…quite frankly, at this point I’m just too scared to try). I mean, I just barely learned that the Taliban, ISIS, and al Qaeda are all different groups with often independent or even conflicting aims, so my understanding of current world events is clearly limited as well.
But there are a few principles I have learned – or perhaps relearned these past few weeks, and if you will be patient with me, I would like to share one with you before I move on to my response to this news on the change in church policy.
What I’ve (re)learned:
Never assume anything…about anyone…ever ever ever ever ever ever (x1000 evers).
Never jump to conclusions. Never think that you know someone or something or where they stand just because you heard it from some outside source. Don’t assume all girls are prissy; don’t assume all boys are jocks; don’t assume all middle easterners are terrorists; don’t assume all children are ignorant; don’t assume all religious people are blind followers of their faiths; don’t assume all straight people are good; don’t assume all homosexuals are bad. Just don’t assume anything about anyone ever – especially based on some outward appearance they might have. Assumption does not dictate whether something is true or not. Even if your assumption proves to be fact, that does not mean it is truth. Truth exists separate from the fact that someone is a jerk, or that they support a band you don’t like, or that their mom is gay, or that their dad is in prison, etc. etc.
The truth (and by this I mean absolute truth), and whether or nothing something about someone is true are two completely different concepts. The truth is something that exists outside the realms of opinion. It exists outside the bounds of belief.
Example: There is a truth (an absolute truth) that we all must die someday. No matter who you are, someday, in some way, you will die. This is a truth that exists outside the bounds of any human thought, hope, or belief. Nothing anyone says or does is going to prevent that from happening to you and to all those around you. This is different than, perhaps, the confirmation of the fact that that girl in your 3rd period really is a jerk – just like you thought, or that the mean co-worker from the office really is cheating on what’s her face with your man, or that your best friend just dyed her hair red without telling you first (oh the nerve! *fist shake*). All of these things may be true, they may even be facts – facts based on observable and gathered data of an individual (or multiple individuals), but these facts are not the things that define this universe. They are not the all-encompassing truths that exist outside the realms of human fallibility, or human fragility.
In my opinion (and I say opinion, because I can do nothing to prove this to you), God’s love for us is another of these everlasting, absolute, and universal truths. I believe His love exists outside the bounds of time. No matter what anyone might say to me otherwise, I do not and cannot believe that God loves any one of us more than he does the rest. He does not love members of the LDS Church any more than he loves members of the Catholic Church, or members of the Scientology Church, or members of any or no church at all. God is not going to treat children who are baptized with any less love than he would a child who is not – regardless of their sexual orientation, denomination, or faith.
I love my friends who are gay, and I truly mean LOVE them. Regardless of their current sexual orientation, they are genially awesome human beings toward me, so why should I not be toward them? I care for them just as much as I do my friends who are straight, my friends who smoke, my friends who drink, my friends who don’t, my friends who are members of my church, my friends who are not…all of them are important to me, and I sincerely hope they will not think less or love me any less simply because I do not practice or believe in the same things that they practice or believe.
Honestly, no matter who you are or what you preach, I will probably consider you a friend until I find you standing over me in my bed with a knife, ready to end my life (yeah, that would probably give me pause)… but until we find ourselves in that position I’m not going to question our friendship unless you ask me to step aside and move on. And even then I’ll probably hang desperately on and demand that you still love me, because I’m sentimental like that.
Once you’ve met me, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me liking you a whole awful lot.
But…moving on…
My opinion and stance on what appears to be a new policy statement from the church:
I recently heard someone say, “If you don’t fight for what you believe in, then you don’t really believe it’s worth the fight.” I suppose that’s true.
I’ve never really shared my views on this before (on where I stand on the issue of gay rights, and homosexual marriage), and I would ask that before you pass judgment on me or my beliefs, you at least give this post the benefit of the doubt and read it all the way through (that is, if you truly want to know what I believe in and where I stand. If you don’t care, then feel free to pass judgment now without me thinking any the less of you. You are entitled to your opinions, just as I am entitled to mine, and I think you’re awesome and rad, regardless). If my words, however, offend anyone, or cause you to harbor even the slightest bit of hatred toward me for my beliefs, I ask you to forgive me (if you can) – for it was certainly not my intent today to cause anyone harm with this post.
The Family is NUMBER ONE.
Families have always been number one in God’s book, and number one has always been the top priority for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As LDS members we believe that we were sent here to earth with the purpose and design to be a part of an eternal family – a unit that consists of two parents, an earthly mother and father, who are here to help guide us back to our Heavenly home (where our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother reside).
Of course, just because we believe this is the purpose of mortality does not mean that we believe anyone without this “perfect” family unit is going to hell. Not even close. If we did, then we’d all be damned – because I can’t think of a single person on this planet who has a “perfect family”, or who lives in anything that even remotely resembles “a perfectly ideal family situation”.
I am confident enough in my understanding of the church and it’s beliefs to state that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not condemn anyone with only one mom, or two moms, or zero moms to a life in hell. They do not condemn those who are orphaned, nor those who have never known their parents, nor those who have been adopted into a new home, nor those who have been abused, etc. etc…
Again, family is number one to the church! In fact, this new policy protects the family unit so much more so than it could ever possibly harm it.
In this new policy, it appears that a child of a same-sex couple will have to wait until they are no longer living under their parent’s roof before they can receive membership in the church.
When I first read this I was pretty upset, because I immediately forgot my own relearned lesson (mentioned above) about “not jumping to conclusions” – and I jumped to conclusions. I immediately thought the worst of whomever had leaked this rumor (for I was sure it had to be a rumor, because the idea went against everything I knew about church policy on acceptance and love); but as I calmed down enough to allow myself the time to actually read through some of the reports, and to actually think about what it was saying, I found that not only did the policy make sense, but everything in the church – everything I had ever been taught to believe before – defended it.
Let’s imagine two scenarios here – to help me illustrate this point.
Scenario number one: little Jimmy, 8-year-old son of a happily married couple – Johnny and Steve. Maybe Jimmy started going to an LDS church with his friend Sam, and was invited to be a part of the children’s primary program. Over time, Jimmy found that he loved the church and that he believed in the teachings and wanted to start going every Sunday. But Jimmy’s dads learned that he wanted to get baptized, and they were against it, and told him no – because they did not share those same beliefs.
Now let’s put up scenario number two: Suzie, 8-year-old daughter of a happily married couple – Lucy and Anne, has been going to church with her friend Sarah for almost two years. She is finally 8, which is the age when most girls in the church get baptized, so she asks her moms if she can. They decide that if the church makes their daughter happy, then yes – of course she can get baptized, even though they do not share the same beliefs themselves.
Think about both of these scenarios – if, in either of them, bishops were allowed to grant membership to either of these two children, they would be effectively destroying a home – no matter how good their intentions were, nor how honest the religious belief of the child. By denying a bishop the ability to grant membership to a child when his parents are against it – they are protecting both that child and their parents from an upsetting moral custody battle. They are protecting little Jimmy’s home from the countless fights that would likely ensue between Jimmy and his dads, were he to go against their wishes.
Likewise, in the case of Suzie and her parents, the bishop is protecting her from making a decision that would in any way alienate her from her mothers and from her home. It prohibits her or anyone else from making a premature choice between family and religion. I’m not suggesting that such a choice would make Suzie love her moms any less – but becoming a member of the church would be akin to stating that you stand by and believe in the church policy that speaks against the institution of gay marriage.
This policy protects the family – in the same way it would of a child of straight parents who did not share the same religious beliefs as the child. Any child under the age of 18 will equally be denied membership from the church (without written consent), and how many of us have known someone who has been kicked from their home or lost their beloved relationship with their parents because of their decision to join the LDS church? It happens all the time, to so many people, under so many different circumstances, and it is always heartbreaking to see a home destroyed.
When I was a missionary I was very often placed in the position where I would have to tell an eager soul that they could not be baptized into our church at this time, for various reasons. In most cases, Muslims who want to convert can’t ever be baptized – because joining the church can often mean harassment and even the possibility of death to family members in certain countries around the world. Once I had to tell a heartbroken little girl that she couldn't get baptized because her mother wouldn't allow it, even though her grandmother was still willing to take her every week.
The church’s number one goal is always, and will always be to protect the family – under any circumstances.
Please don’t confuse this, however, with the mistaken belief that the church believes gays are horrible people who are going to hell. Because we don’t – no more than we believe couples who live together before marriage, or couples who have sex before marriage, or couples who choose never to marry are going to hell. We don’t believe that either! Just because we don’t condone the actions doesn’t mean we hate all people who do it! I don’t condone smoking, or the consumption of alcohol, or cursing, or sex before marriage, or even unhealthy eating! But if I hated all my friends who did these things, I’d have no friends. I couldn’t even be friends with myself, because goodness knows I’m not a perfect person, and I do things that I know and believe are wrong all the time.
Yeah, I’m imperfect.
Deal with it.
Official church policy has always been and always will be to accept everyone. This new policy does not change that AT ALL. It does not reflect how our Heavenly Father feels about any one of us, nor does it suggest that we (the LDS church) think that God cares more for his baptized members than he does his non-members.
[Quick side note: Our Second
Article of Faith reads: “We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgressions.”]
^ I’d like to expound on this by saying that we believe no one is going to be condemned because of the actions of any other individual – other than themselves. Let me be clear on this fact – the church does not believe that a child is damned just because they have gay parents.
It is also important to clarify here that membership (or baptism) into the church does not reflect that individuals standing with God in any way shape or form.
Membership in a church is just that – membership in a church. It does not equal salvation.
Membership in any church does not equal salvation. If we believed this, then we would be guilty of the same crime as those religious idiots of old – those who believed that salvation could be bought at a price. We do not believe that simply being a member of the church is going to ensure your way to Heaven, nor do we believe paying tithing, or dressing modestly, or refraining from alcoholic drink is going to save you. Sure – being sober is probably good, and will most likely help you on the way, but it’s not going to save your soul.
Besides, I know countless individuals who are baptized members of the church who are a whole lot less likely to make it to the celestial kingdom than my friends with gay parents.
So maybe the Church’s stance on this issue is different than yours, and maybe my stance on morality is different than yours, but you know what? That’s okay.
Reasonable people can, and do, differ.
But baptism is a blessing God wants for all his children, straight, gay, and everything in between – so whether that happens when one is 8, 80, 108, or dead does not matter to God. No one who truly wants it will be denied those blessings – nor will anyone who does not want it be forced into having it. God knows each of us, he knows all of our extenuating circumstances – whatever the situation – and he won’t ignore a single child because of someone, something, or anything that lies beyond their control.
So yeah…that’s my two cents on the matter.
If you hate me, please give me a call before disowning me forever.
If you still like me - good.
I like you too.
