...and it's okay.

[Read the following in your best Meg Ryan voice, and you’ll hear the words as they are running through my head…]

Tonight, I looked myself in the mirror

Tonight I looked up in the bathroom mirror, and for the first time in forever I thought to myself, “You know? I look quite beautiful today.”

I look beautiful, with these marks on my face and this stain on my shirt…I’m not dressed in fine clothes or even a full outfit really; I’m wearing the top half of my Sunday dress and the black leggings I had on beneath my skirt. My hair is in the same bun I put it in after my shower this morning, which means the inside is probably still wet, and there are strands sticking out from beneath that white winter headband I use to keep those pesky bangs out of my face. My make-up is hardly done and I just finished watching two Meg Ryan flicks back to back (hence the voice) – so my hygiene probably isn’t the greatest (yeah, of course I cried at the end! Tom Hanks, you wonderful man, you…)

I even wore my Lord of the Rings necklace today – which totally did not go with my outfit, but it matched my earrings so I figured…what the heck.

And even as I notice all these things about myself, and as I walked back into my room and see the mess on my floor – the dirty clothes in the corner, my sheets aren’t even on the mattress (I’ve been sleeping on the top of my blanket for at least a week now) – and I realize that all in all my life is a complete mess…

...and even then I can somehow look in the mirror and say, "hey. ...you look beautiful."

...and I don’t think I’ve ever used that word to describe myself, ever.

Beautiful.

Even when I was happier with my image, even when I took better care of myself, even when I was 3 sizes smaller than I am right now…I never really thought I was beautiful.

And tonight I did.

Tonight...I did.

And it felt wonderful.

It felt wonderful to think that I was beautiful – and it didn’t require make-up, and it didn’t require a fancy dress. It didn’t even require complete dress…but I felt honestly, truly, completely beautiful.

So I just thought I’d share – because when you feel good about something, you want to share it, right?

I think that’s why we have movies. People make things that give them emotions and then they say “Hey! Look at these emotions over here! Don’t you want to try some?”

I mean, who doesn’t want to try a scene from the movies? Who doesn’t want to try Tom Hanks on top the Empire State building...to try perfect Reese Witherspoon hair, some Audrey Hepburn-esque class, a John Williams soundtrack playing in the background? …yes; please; sign me up.

And you know what – those moments aren’t even perfect; movies aren’t even perfect; life isn’t even perfect: and it’s okay. It's okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to be a mess. We’re all messes. Even during our “perfect moments” we’re a mess. Even during our beautiful moments, we’re a mess.

I'm a mess.

And it’s okay.

And those are just my two cents for the night.

Goodnight.