Blaise: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me. But I can't help it that I'm popular.
Hat: Watch out Slytherin! Fresh meat coming through!
Neville: What do we even talk about?
Hat: Ashton Kutcher.
Neville: Is that a band?
Hat: HUFFLEPUFF! (...jk - Gryffindor).
Hat: Nice wig, blondie. What's it made of?
Draco: Your mom's chest hair!
Hat: SLYTHERIN!
Patil girl not in Gryffindor: Yeah, I like math.
Hat: Why?
PP: Because it's the same in every country.
Hat: That's beautiful. This girl is deep. RAVENCLAW!
Umbridge: *sit in chair*
Hat: You go sit with the Slytherlastics. On Wednesdays they wear green.
Harry: So if you can talk...why are you a hat?
Dumbledore: Omg, Harry, you can't just ask people why they're hats!
Hat: Ravenclaw?
Two for you.
Gryffindor?
Four for you Gryffindor, you go Gryffindor!
And Ravenclue?
Do we have a Ravenclue here?
Bird that's not a raven: It's RavenCLAW.
Hat: Oh, "claw," here you go.
One for you.
And none for Hufflepuff. Bye.
#happybirthdayharry
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