The Talk With No Name

Perhaps you’ve heard the common colloquial phrase: “There are two types of people in the world.” It is usually followed by two categorical labelers, such as “there are those who do, and there are those who do not.” The specifics of the phrase vary, depending on your source. For example, ask a mathematician how many types of people there are in this world, and they might tell you there are 10: those who understand binary, and those who do not. Or ask a Harry Potter nerd like me, and I might tell you there are only four types: brave, smart, evil, and miscellaneous.

This statement – “there are two types of people in the world” – is not new. It has been used as an anecdotal starter for centuries, surviving the conversational shift of time with the introduction of social media and memes, and it will likely continue to be a favorite of ours, because honestly, we love placing people into categories. We like to label things, because if we can label something, that means we understand it.

Labeling something isn’t inherently bad. Labels can prove quite useful when baking. If, for instance, you have two identical bins filled with white powder, you might not know which one to add to your batch of sugar cookies. But if they are labeled, then you can avoid the mistake of adding one cup of pancake mix to your cookie dough batter, instead of the actual required one cup of flour. This is obviously a hypothetical example, but hypothetically speaking – those cookies tasted really really gross. I don’t suggest you repeat my mistake.

Other societal labels can help us build associations or networks – such as when you join a political party, or identify with a specific group or religious organization. Yes, labeling can be grand, but there is also a foundational danger in building your understanding of someone or something off such superficial qualifiers as “he’s a Democrat” or “she’s a Mormon.” This can instill in us a natural tendency to begin judging others based entirely on their “qualifiers.”

As your average, fallen, daughter of Eve, I am especially good at this. As a matter of fact, I’m what you might call a hobbyist heckler. I take great joy in adding my own personal commentary to things, especially from the back of the room, and often with a ridiculing tenor to my voice. But when left unchecked, this fun and entertaining activity can turn into a grouchy and unforgiving way of life. Dr. Craig L. Oliver, senior pastor of a Baptist church once taught that “the initial danger of the unforgiving heart, is its potent ability to tether its victim to the past. The unforgiving heart is masterfully adept at impeding forward progression…it immobilizes the individual by chaining them to past hurts, experiences, and situations.”

There are, of course, so many wide and varying circumstances to consider here. It is easy, to say, forgive your older brother for stealing your bike, riding it to school, and thus forcing you to walk alone in the 100-degree heat. I’m clearly not holding a grudge over that. But the harm sustained from abuse is understandably harder to forgive. Those who have been emotionally or physically abused should not be judged further for finding it difficult to forgive those who have done them wrong. Feelings of anger, fear, and rage are not a sign of weakness, rather a natural, human response to such horrific events.

It is important to note that, though hard, these emotions can be changed. Perhaps the difference between a forgiving and unforgiving heart is that the forgiving heart recognizes a need for help. A forgiving heart turns to the Lord, giving him the control, allowing him to take the lead.

Consider this: Most grievances take from us a level of energy and attention that goes unnoticed, and is often not reciprocated. We can end up spending years dedicated to being angry and hostile toward someone who has moved on with their lives: someone who rarely, if at all, gives the situation that *you* can’t get past a second thought.

Forgiveness is at the very heart of what it means to be a disciple of Christ. It is a label the Lord has asked us to take upon ourselves. He said, “by this shall men know, ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” It is a personal attribute, not simply a decision we make from time to time, or when we feel like we should. It illuminates in our hearts the truth of God’s love for others. Bishop Roderick J. Linton once said that to have a forgiving heart is “to forsake the tendency to judge, condemn, exclude, or hate any human soul. A forgiving heart seeks to love and to be patient with imperfection…it understands that we are all in need of the atonement of Jesus Christ.”

While it is natural to feel hurt when someone has wronged you, the harsh and scary truth is that refusing to forgive another can be a sin greater than any original offense, for you are, in effect, attempting to deny the blessing of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to a child of God. You are denying them the right to repent, denying them the right to the companionship of the Holy Ghost, and in so doing, you risk losing his presence in your life as well. Forgiving means you trust in the Lord’s ability to work through his Spirit in healing the hearts of others. The Spirit of God can be like a fire in your life. When you forgive, you fan the flame, causing it to grow, providing warmth to you and to all those around you. But an unforgiving heart puts out the flame, dousing one’s ability to feel the warmth of the Savior’s love.

There are not seven or ten or even just two types of people. There is one: those with a human heart, and a human heart can forgive.

As my good friend, Will Smith once said, “Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.” And I leave that with you as my testimony, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.